While this blog first began as a journaling experience after my 2nd trimester loss, it has evolved into a spot where I can express my emotions directly to my boys, who I know are watching over me and their family.
The other end I had in view turns out to have been based on a misunderstanding. I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process. It needs not a map, but a history...C.S. Lewis
Mommy loves you Robert, and I am so sorry. I miss you so much!!!
I am writing this blog not just as a way to me to give my sorrow its history, but to maybe help those who are going through the same sad journey. If you are reading this and know someone who needs to know they are not alone in their sorrow, please feel free to share it.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Dear Boys...
And I know its silly, but the lizards always seemed to come out as I walked--instead of running away, they would watch me carefully. Did either of you have anything to do with that? I've never been able to look at and examine a lizard quite that carefully! I told your daddy I think you two are watching over me.
But when we were walking on the beach, talking about trying for another baby (your dad is ready, I'm not.), we both found the same exact type of shell at the same time, and the only difference is that one was bigger than the other. I know you boys are trying to communicate with us, and you both need to know how much that means to me and your dad. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think of you, and miss you both so much. Rango, we got your pictures yesterday in the mail. Your dad and I want to put them all in a frame. Robbie, your ultrasounds will go first, then Rango's ultrasound and one of the pictures from when we could hold him.
We love you both so much, and miss you so much!
Love,
Mommy
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