It feels like not only has a scab been removed, but cut open and cut deeper.  I thought after Robbie died my heart couldn't shatter anymore.  I thought I couldn't hurt that badly once the scab began to heal.  But I was wrong.  Now I am mourning two sons, not just one.  And all the while I compare myself to where I was this time with Robbie (weight wise, emotional wise, how capable I was of leaving the house at certain days after the d & e).  And I feel guilt because I feel like this new hurt about Rango is overshadowing the grief for Robbie that is still present.  That while I want either, (preferably both) of my boys with me, I know that Robbie didn't come back, and neither will Rango.
This pain, this grief is indescribable.  There aren't words to express what I am thinking or feeling.