As I was getting agitated at my supervisor in an impromptu meeting on Thursday it dawned on me that Thursday would have be, in most likelihood, my last day of work before maternity leave. So while I listened to help demonstrate a lesson on "being able to walk through a hole in a piece of paper), inside I wanted to just scream. But I didn't. I walked out, and went to class and taught my freshmen as if nothing was wrong. Yesterday I should have been at the hospital doing all of my pre-op work, then running around doing little things to get the nursery ready. Instead, I went to work (thank God I do love my job), then came home to meet the exterminator about our ant problem. Today we went out and ran errands, one of which was trying to return the stroller system that arrived damaged from Target.
I know I wanted to originally do something special on the due date (I was torn b/c while the due date was the 28th, the c-section was scheduled for the 22nd). But the more I thought about it the more I realized that the due date meant nothing except past hopes and dreams. And it was best for us to just continue to move on and heal.
But that doesn't make this weekend any easier. I am dreading Monday will all my heart. And I'm not sure, except for my blogging followers, that anyone else realizes how much my heart hurts right now, and how big of a day this is. I know there is so much to look forward too, but its hard to just forget what was supposed to be.
Robbie, I miss you so much and really wish that we could meet you on Monday. I love you! Mommy
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