4 months

I was at a bridal shower today, and it dawned on me that not only has it been 4 months since our little boy's demise, but next Monday was my scheduled c-section.  It was a happy, fun shower for a dear friend (well, friend of my husband's since high school, and i've gotten to know her too).  and i hated the fact that one comment was made at the table i was sitting at, and it had my mind just swirling with emotions.  
On the way home I listened to Pearl Jam, and the song "Just Breathe" came on.  Its funny how things have taken on new meaning.  I could have sworn 4 months and 1 day ago I took this song one way, but today as I listened to it, it spoke to me and my tears.

"Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh,..
I’m a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love,..

Some folks just have one,
Others they got none, aw huh,..

Stay with me,..
Let’s just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,
Never gonna let me win, aw huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh,..
Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this world
To make me bleed.

Stay with me,..
You’re all I see.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.

I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw huh,..
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one know this more than me.
As I come clean.

Nothing you would take,..
everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side."

There's no more words for today...I'm sure i'm entering into a very difficult week.