I know I haven't blogged for a while, but I've been so tired at night, and have had so much going on during the day. I guess its good that i'm super busy, it keeps the days going by faster, and I'm sleeping through the night in a deep sleep.
But last night I started teasing my husband about what plans was he making for my birthday. See, for the last 4 years that we've been together, he has forgotten my birthday every year, and I ended up making plans for myself. So a little background (and know that I love my husband very much, but his track record with planning birthdays is not great!):
The first year I was fortunate and had 2 great girlfriends who took me to AC for a night, and we had a very expensive, very tasty dessert, then dinner hours later!
The second year we were supposed to go to Sea Isle and stay in a friend's house for a weekend (us and the girls)...which I organized. But then I received an offer on my house, and stayed home that Friday we were supposed to leave to go down to the shore to pack up the dining room. My girls were acting up, and unpacking everything I had packed. Plus the weather was cold and miserable, so I cancelled it. The next day I decided "let's still go to ocean city and get some mack and manco's"...in the rain and wind. My oldest decided to have a temper tantrum in the pizza shop, and we went home, with no pizza and chilled to the bone. Happy birthday to me.
The 3rd year was my 30th birthday--I had been hinting at it for weeks, and while I didn't want anything big, I did want it acknowledged. He made no plans. Nothing, nada. The day before I turned the big "30" I learned he honestly didn't make any plans. So I called up some friends and we went to PF Chang's for dinner--just 5 of us. But I had to make the plans.
Then there was last year, the 4th year. I guilted him all year about dropping the ball on my 30th birthday, hoping something would spur him on. But, apparently not. I had to make last minute plans with dear friends to go out to dinner. Unfortunately (or fortunately for Mario), that was the night an hour before our friends were due to arrive we learned our basement started to flood. Therefore, we spent the whole night and into the next morning getting rugs and carpets and toys out of the basement and upstairs. Fun (well, at least memorable).
So onto the present...we were excited because I would be 9 months pregnant, weeks away from having our son, and celebrating our life. See, I was foolish enough to think that me saying I wanted to have my third child by the time I was 32 meant the universe would listen. But our plans are meaningless.
Last night I was teasing him about our plans for my birthday this year, only to learn that he hasn't even thought about it, or planned anything, again! Not even dinner out. And i'm giving him 5 weeks notice!!
So as I was teasing him, suddenly the tears began to fall, and next thing we knew I was in a heap on the floor, a mess of sobs, snot, and cries. I was supposed to be planning my maternity leave. I was supposed to be waddling around with a cute (while large) belly, knowing that my little boy would be greeting us in a short amount of time. I was supposed to be celebrating my birthday, not being sad about the path my life had taken.
It just sucks. Here I was moving along, actually doing quite well (yes, pat myself on the back), taking everything in stride and day by day (which my friends and family know is not me at all). And one little thing just set me off.
I know March is going to be a difficult month, just like next November and December when the anniversaries come around. I thought though I would have January and February to prepare myself. I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotion that hit me just trying to plan something as innocent as my birthday.
I can just hope that my 32nd year will be better than my 31st!
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