Today has to be one of the worse days since I've been back to work.  And like usual my students are not the issue.  I need to vent, because I am sitting here crying I am so upset.  The issues that were at play today deal more with situations that occurred after Robbie died, and I just want to know if I am staying at Clearview, or if I have to mentally prepare myself for moving on and making other plans next year.
For starters, let's just remind ourselves that it doesn't matter that I am pregnant--I cannot deal with pregnant women.  It still upsets me.  So I am on permanent baby bump watch so that I know who to avoid.  Seriously, I am not kidding around with this.  I will turn and walk out of my way if I even think for a second I'll have to have a conversation or say hello to a pregnant woman.  So I knew that one of my co-workers who was recently married would probably be starting a family soon, nevermind that people did tell me that she was trying.  I don't know this woman, she and I honestly have always clashed, so I make sure I avoid her at all costs anyway.  She is one of the few people in my department who has my supervisor's ear, and the only person he'll listen too.  And he asks her for her opinions of me, who she doesn't know!!!!  So yes, when I returned to work, I was on baby bump watch for my own emotional health.  And about a month ago, the bump and pregnancy look to her was evident.  The next fear was that my supervisor, who is completely insensitive and clueless (and doesn't care if he upsets me, as long as this unnamed co-worker is happy), would announce her pregnancy at a department meeting.  So I asked my friends to let me know if she was, or if they knew the announcement was coming so that I could excuse myself from the meeting.  I didn't want to get upset, and secondly, take away from her joy in that moment by having to flee the room.
But once I knew (again about 2-4 weeks ago) because, well, she looks pregnant--there's a bump, her face is different, I just began to avoid her at all costs.  There are 2 other women at work I avoid, and honestly, I'm sorry if they are offended, but I have to do what is best for me right now.
So, yesterday, I shared my news with a teacher who was suspicious that I was pregnant again, and she slipped and said something about this pregnant teacher.  Well, the pregnant teacher found out and was furious.  My friend, who was caught up in the middle of it, wanted to try to make things better, but only got more upset it seemed.  I decided, since I was the one who found out the news and wasn't supposed to know anyway, to go down and tell her that I already knew because she was showing.  Wow, I was not prepared for the bitchiness that came from her for no reason!!!  And that people defended her reasoning, I'm sorry but that is no excuse to unleash like that on someone.  Please know that I just didn't come right out and say that I knew, but I tried to ease into it.  I got a lecture on how its her private and personal life, and she doesn't like people talking about her behind her back (well, we see how well I listened to that wish by her), and she went on and on.  I explained that no one was being mean, but it slipped, and it wasn't anything I didn't already know.  She said she didn't appreciate that I talked to someone about if she was pregnant or not (trying to see if I had to avoid her), and it wasn't my business.  I agreed and told her it wasn't, and it has/had nothing to do with me, and I honestly don't care if she is or isn't, but it is obvious she is because she is showing.  So whether she likes it or not, people are going to say things.  She continued to lash out, and when she was done she turned around and told me I can come in when I want to observe her--like I have any desire to go in and observe her now--the pregnant bitch!!!
So on top of this, because apparently this is "If you are pregnant come and annoy me Day", the other co-worker, who is also pregnant, went behind my back and went to my supervisor (who is avoiding me and not returning emails or making himself available to meet with me), with my ideas!!!!  I am fighting for my job right now...after Robbie, some people were incredibly insensitive and the things that happened while I was home waiting for the d & e, and even after, would just make your skin curl.  It was inappropriate and ill-timed to say the least.  So after I returned things got worse with him, and I had to file a grievance against him.  After a conference, I thought things were improving, but he still has yet to come observe me or meet with me (November 12 was the last time I was observed).

Okay...rant over.  I miss Robbie, and I want things to go back the way they were before.
I don't want to not be able to be around pregnant women-I don't feel good about myself that that's what I have to do to protect myself emotionally.  Just saying....