While this blog first began as a journaling experience after my 2nd trimester loss, it has evolved into a spot where I can express my emotions directly to my boys, who I know are watching over me and their family.
The other end I had in view turns out to have been based on a misunderstanding. I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process. It needs not a map, but a history...C.S. Lewis
Mommy loves you Robert, and I am so sorry. I miss you so much!!!
I am writing this blog not just as a way to me to give my sorrow its history, but to maybe help those who are going through the same sad journey. If you are reading this and know someone who needs to know they are not alone in their sorrow, please feel free to share it.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Missing you both
Tomorrow your sister has to make a family tree for her assignment. We had to rush around tonight and find pictures of everyone in the family (she has a big family, and you both do too!). And going through the pictures I saw pictures of you both in my belly, your ultrasounds, your footprints. I asked your sister if she was going to put your names on her tree. She hesitated, and thought for a minute. She wasn't sure if you boys were still family, even if you were in Heaven. Tonight before she went to bed, she told me she was going to draw two angels on her tree, to represent you both. I wish your sisters were able to know you, and meet you both. I know Emily bonded with you Rango. I know they do miss you both.
Could you please send them some pennies if you can spare a few please? Don't rob St. Peter...pennies are still good (although anything you can get your hands on would be fine).
I am thinking of you boys every day. I miss you and love you so much!!!
Love,
mommy
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